Bring It On!

This morning I could hardly see to cycle. Tears come easily for me and my experience today was too much.

Aura joined me for a twenty mile ride. She was adamant that I go my usual pace and not slow down for her. I can respect that. I love a challenge too. This put her about a half mile behind me at any given time. As I looked back over my shoulder to check her progress, a wave of joy passed over me. For just an instant, I saw her. I mean, really saw her, the way I experienced her when I was pregnant with her. Her spirit was so strong and all encompassing, when I finally met her, I knew her name had to be Aura. Just as I did when I looked into her eyes for the first time and noticed what a wise old soul she is, I understood so much about her and felt such gratitude for the opportunity to be her mother. This feeling is not uncommon, as I watch her often with that same admiration and amazement.

When Aura was an infant, I remember feeling, as she peered into my eyes, that she was looking right through me. Her presence and influence did much to inspire me to change. I was a selfish, wild and disobedient youth prior to having her. It took being a single mother for a time for me to learn many difficult life lessons. During my pregnancy, she undoubtedly felt the same emotional heartaches, struggles, and pain that I faced. I am sure those trying times did much to train her strength and empathy.

I ran two to five miles a day, and danced a lot while I was pregnant. I remember noticing that the baby had perfect rhythm and often "danced" and kicked on beat even in utero. She has kept that rhythm and has been a lifelong music lover, singer, and dancer.

I met Shawn when she was two months old. I remember our first date; the first time he held Aura and how nervous and rigid he was as if he were about to hold a fragile China doll. I said "Relax. You're not going to break her," as I put her in his arms. He loved her from the first time he saw her. Shawn and I were married six months later. Aura, Shawn and I smile with pleasure when people tell her how much she looks like him, even more so than she looks like me.

We were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple fifteen months later. By this time, we had welcomed Aura's best friend, Christian to the family. She has shared a tight emotional bond with him since the day he was born. I remember having to continually let her hold him. She would not leave him alone. The love and care she has for him is still just as strong.

She has always been very outgoing and social, yet keenly observant in an almost introverted sort of way. She talked to anybody and everybody we saw, often watching people for hours. Consequently, she's a good actress and even better at mimicking "spot-on" impressions. Her natural tendency toward leadership was evident from a young age. Her cheeful confidence attracts people young and old alike. She was often stubborn, and her need for power and control often wore me out because of our daily battles. She eventually grew out of the tantrums as her power of verbal expression grew, which was such a blessing! As she matured, her ability for concentration, deep thought and powerful verbal expression expanded greatly. We have been having deep philosophical and spiritual conversations since she was about five years old. She is a perfectionist and works tirelessly at the things she deems worthy of her time.

Aura was an incredible violinist as a young child. Sadly one day she announced that she didn't love to play and that it was something I wanted more than she did. She was about 7 years old when she told me that. I was astounded at her maturity, but still disappointed she wanted to give up something she excelled at so much. The truth is, she has excelled at any pursuit she puts her heart into. She is a fast learner and tries new things regularly. She preferred to spend her time, energy, passion and countless devoted hours to dance, gymnastics, singing and guitar. She's an amazing performer with a charisma that is truly mesmerizing to watch. I am sure it is due to her passion and purposeful decision to glorify God in all she does.

Over time, as I've recognized more and more of her gifts and talents, I have come to be more and more in awe of her tremendous strength and capacity to love and serve others. She is so much better a person than I was at her age, much more wise, devoted, obedient and accomplished.

When she was 13, a huge transformation occurred in her overall attitude and demeanor. She gained a sense of purpose and gratitude I wasn't expecting until much later. One day while I was writing on the computer and she was reading on the sofa next to me, she put her book down and made a statement that I never thought I'd hear until she had children of her own. She said "Mom, thank you for homeschooling me. A lot of my friends want to be home schooled and they beg their parents. They want to spend time pursuing their talents like art, music or dance. They don't like getting teased at school or being around a lot of bad stuff that is there. Their parents tell them to deal with it. It makes me sad because these kids know what they need and their parents don't want to help them because they might have to sacrifice their own things for their kids. They tell their kids it's too hard. It reminds me of the picture of Jesus that says "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." I'm so glad you thought I was worth it, Mom." I was dumbfounded for several minutes, and teary of course

After that time, she became very purposeful about the books she read, music she listened to, the way she spent her time. She wrote essays and stories, and gained more and more conviction and a love for truth and virtue. She went to the temple weekly from the time she was twelve, maybe missing only a period of six months when she was sixteen. That was a long enough contrast for her to realize that she would never be too busy or distracted to go without regular attendance again. This was always my prayer for her. I knew how strong, stubborn and hard headed she was as a toddler and child. I knew that if she could be set in the right direction, she'd go on forever on her own, unstoppable in her desire to do and be good. One of her first words was "appropriate." I still laugh when I think of it. And yes, it is still one of her favorite words! She sets a great example for her eight younger siblings and is conscientious of her role as an influence and mentor. She has discovered and lives well her greatest life purpose, leading people to Christ.

Aura has a courageous, daring, and brave streak that has been very fun to watch. Our family went on a river rafting trip down the Snake River in Jackson Hole, WY when she was eight. There were Class 5 rapids most of the way. The rapids were twice as high as our raft most of the time and it often seemed to buckle and fold toward the helm where she was sitting. I will never forget watching Aura soaked and dripping from the spray of the rapids, smiling as broadly as she could, laughing uncontrollably and yelling at the top of her lungs "Bring it on!" This is how I picture her in my mind. It is the statement that sums up her determination and love of a challenge. Shawn and I went bungee jumping when she was even younger, maybe five. She cried and cried to be big because she was too young and too light to do it herself as per the rules. She had a great time jumping from a forty foot+ rickety platform inside a gran cenote. This cenote was a large underground cave that we visited somewhere between Tulum and Coba, in Mexico.

Christian has earned over 50 merit badges, and Aura has basically earned them along with him, doing all the requirements and rugged outdoor fun with him and Shawn. That was her only complaint about girls' camp, the fact they didn't get to canoe, shoot guns, backpack, rappel, or climb. They made jewelry instead. She loves such outdoor activities as paragliding, scuba diving, cycling, running, backpacking, rock climbing, skiing, snowboarding, dirt biking, body boarding, jet skiing, and hiking. One of her favorite trips was to Zion's to hike the Narrows and to slot canyoneer Keyhole Canyon.

A few years ago, she started running with me. It wasn't long before her long, slender and graceful legs outpaced mine. I expect it's only a matter of time before the same will hold true for cycling, and in life in general. This is actually my hope and prayer for her. I would love for her to outpace me in every way, and in many ways, she already has. She is a truly excellent and beautiful woman, inside and out. In another year, she will be gone, off for the adventure of college away from home. My heart is already breaking, but at the same time, I'm wildly excited for her!


Thanks for all the joy you bring to my life, Aura. I love you.

Love,

Mom