Mentored by the Best: My Best Friend, That Is

I love the wide bike lanes in Draper. Shawn and I can ride side by side on most of the roads we cycle. On the roads with a narrow shoulder, he always insists that I go ahead. He often proves that chivalry is not dead. He says he likes the view. But I know better. This is how he leads. When he taught me the ins and outs of cycling and the rules of the road, he would briefly edge in front of me to demonstrate, and then slip into place behind me, letting me set the pace. This is how he is. He leads from behind, like a shepherd driving his flock. He is an amazing leader, teacher and example. I'm often vocal, animated, and larger than life. He happily encourages me to be the visible one--the one out front. He prefers silent anonimity. If there is something great to accomplish, and we set out to do it together, rest assured, he is the driving force behind making it happen. The truth is that he is my better half, observant, thoughtful and kind. On our rides, I watch his shadow touch mine and marvel at how blessed I am to go through life with him. Tonight as we made our way home from a ride just as the sun was setting, I looked at him as the sun shone across his face. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and love for him. In that moment, I began thinking about how all the cool things I know, I learned from him.

Before I met him I didn't even know how to mow a lawn. Crazy, I know. I had no brothers and my dad loved his Honda mower too much to let his daughters mar its awesomeness. A week after a brief mowing lesson, Shawn arrived home to see me finishing up the back yard. He saw me pushing with all my might and chuckled as he walked up and held down little bar that turns on the "self propelling" feature. I guess I missed that part of the previous instruction. I wondered why it seemed so hard. He was pleased with my effort nonetheless and praised me for my attempt at mowing neat lines.

Never before had I been rock climbing. He was excited to introduce me to one of his passions. He beamed as I donned my first climbing shoes and a harness. He belayed me with a patient and encouraging attitude when I took my first overhang and struggled against it for what seemed like an hour of total frustration. He smiled at my hard-headedness and didn't ask me to quit. He congratulated me when I was able to tie a figure eight knot myself and was out of his head ecstatic when I knew the climbing jargon and could speak his language, put on all my own gear and make it to the top.

He taught me to rappel, ice climb, and how to ride a motorcycle. He even rode on the back! What trust. He took me on a three day, 25 mile backpacking trip when I was five months pregnant with our eighth child. That's how much faith he has in me, that I'd be able to make it! Because of his belief, and his walking along behind me, I did! He taught me to play chess, and didn't complain when I started to beat him. He taught me how to snowboard, how to change a bike tire, how to use a camp stove and filter water out of a stream. I went to Moab for the first time in my life with Shawn. We camped and took a morning run over the slickrock at sunrise. I'll never forget it. The first time I ever saw the natural beauty of Delicate Arch was alongside him. He signed me up for an introduction to paragliding class that got me hooked. We flew the mountains of Mexico together. A couple of days ago, he installed new cycling pedals on my bike, bought me my own cycling shoes, in my size (all on his own, without my knowledge,) and taught me how to clip into the pedals. He put the bike on the grass, had me climb on and carefully held it steady as I learned how to clip in and out safely. When I mastered that, he did the same setup on the concrete driveway. When he was sure I could do it, he turned me loose to ride on the street. He complimented my aptitude. I knew it wasn't my aptitude, but the skillfull instruction of my favorite teacher.

Without his influence, undoubtedly my life would not be as wondrous and rich. Shawn and I have been reading "Driven: The Autobiography of Larry H. Miller" together this last week. We've both been teary in many parts. I don't think the tears are necessarily for the story of Larry H., but for the feeling of catching a glimpse of our future together; the confirmation of events to come. We have much to do, and in many ways, we're just getting started! Aura recently asked me how I knew that Shawn was who I'd marry. I thought back on the similarities of many of the young men I dated. Then, I thought of the great difference in Shawn. After only a couple of dates, we were discussing our visions of the future, and in no time at all it seemed, our visions became entwined. We knew we'd fulfill those visions together.

Nine kids, at least ten houses, and innumerable businesses and experiences later, we're well on our way. I hope and pray we are granted many more years to dream, plan, work, create, grow and learn together.

There is an area in which I am still greatly, or rather, grossly, lacking skill. These are cookies I made last week. Shawn, can you teach me how to cook?

The Course of Life

At 4:09 AM Saturday, April 17, my eyes popped open wide, anticipating the sound of the alarm set to buzz six minutes later. Shawn had registered us in the Salt Lake City Marathon Bike Tour which started at 6:00 AM. He planned plenty of time for us to drink freshly juiced apples and carrots, assemble our bikes and gear and get to the start line on the University of Utah campus.

We arrived at the start line at 5:40 AM and waited in the dark with hundreds of other riders of all shapes and sizes. There was a giant of a man, over seven feet tall on a bike next to me. I marveled at his incredible stature. There were fit and experienced cycling athletes, amateurs, couples on "bicycles built for two," elderly people on commuter cruisers, children riding with their parents, and participating observers like myself.

All were excitedly awaiting the horn that signaled the time to pedal onto the course. As I watched the growing crowd arrive, I was moved to tears with the thought of such waiting for our departure into mortality. I felt the unity and joy of so many people gathered to share a common purpose, excited for the same event, waiting for the thrill of the experience together. Such was our anxiousness, anticipation and joy at leaving our spirit home to enter the course on earth.

My daily rides have given me time to reflect on the true need to experience a mortal life. Just as there is only so much training and simulation one can do in the gym, or so much discovery that can take place in the lab, getting out in the field with real conditions is the best way to learn and grow. Life is a brutal and effective, yet, awesome teacher and trainer; much like 40+ mph headwinds on my morning rides. Nice as a spin class is, especially in the dead of winter, it just can't simulate the sun, wind, friendly nods and waves of passing cyclists, joggers and bystanders, and the sheer beauty of the earth. Neither can a class adequately simulate the real hazards of traffic, gravel, potholes and the alertness and confidence that is learned by anticipating and actively moving away from them. Mortal life is the place to experience true beauty, unity, and joy amidst such real hazards as addiction, malice and greed.

The Bike Tour was an untimed tour, for fun, not a race, or a competition. Nearly two thousand biking enthusiasts came together to enjoy the ride together. It was meant to attract all types of riders for an "enjoyable family event that covers the most scenic areas of downtown Salt Lake City." Because it was not a competition, riders paced themselves at their own speeds. Those who wished to push themselves to their limits, did so and quickly moved into the lead. Others who wanted to take in the views and move at a moderate pace kindly moved to the right to allow faster riders to pass. Well wishers lined the route, calling out cheers of support and praise in an effort to inspire all to finish; reminding me that angels and ancestors do the same for us moment to moment in mortality.

I've often thought of the nature of competition as stronger, fitter, and faster riders pass me. I never mind it. I am inspired. I am not angry, threatened or fearful. I am grateful they come, seemingly out of nowhere and pass me with ease, especially in moments where I feel like I want to give up or die. What a blessing! They give me a vision of moving forward with strength that I did not have before I saw them pass and serve as an example once in front of me. Seeing the excellence and greatness of another gives me hope and sparks my creativity. There will always be someone smarter, faster, more creative or beautiful, and what cause for celebration, as there is someone to learn from; a model to emulate! The competition I love is the one with myself. Am I better today than I was yesterday? Am I living my potential? Am I glorifying God with my gifts, talents and abilities? Am I recognizing and fulfilling the needs of others? Am I doing good? Unity is a state of complete cooperation, rather than competition. Each gives his or her talent or ability freely to edify and uplift others thereby glorifying God. I love what C.S. Lewis has to say on the subject of competition from his classic work "The Screwtape Letters":

"The whole philosophy of Hell rests on recognition of the axiom that one thing is not another thing, and, specially, that one self is not another self. My good is my good and your good is yours. What one gains another loses. Even an inanimate object is what it is by excluding all other objects from the space it occupies; if it expands, it does so by thrusting other objects aside or by absorbing them. A self does the same. With beasts the absorption takes the form of eating; for us, it means the sucking of will and freedom out of a weaker self into a stronger. "To be" means to be in competition." Now the Enemy's (Christ's) philosophy is nothing more nor less than one continued attempt to evade this very obvious truth. He aims at contradiction. Things are to be many, yet somehow also one. The good of one self is to be the good of another. This impossibility He calls love, and this same monotonous panacea can be detected under all He does and even all He is--or claims to be."

Christ stated:
D&C 38: 27 Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.

At the twentieth mile mark on the Bike Tour, we passed a house that had a refreshment station out front much like the water tables we kept passing. The only difference was a huge sign that read "Temptation: Free Booze, Come take a shot!" There were devil horns coming out of the "T" and a pitchfork at the bottom. The irony made me laugh hysterically. Isn't that like life? Five miles to the finish, and a major distraction is introduced. Though "free booze" isn't a draw for me, life has plenty of other distractions that I can get caught up in at any given time, that lure me from the pace and the course I need to follow. It was amazing to visually see a model for the journey of life and experience gratitude for it. Also, in reviewing the map of the Bike Tour, I noticed how straightforward and simple the course of life really is.

We have a clear map set forth in scripture and emulated perfectly by Christ in mortality. Diligently following the map and example Christ set forth will surely lead us home.

One hour and twenty minutes after the horn signaled, Shawn and I crossed the finish line at the Gateway together, joining hundreds of others who had already arrived and awaited hundreds more that followed. I thought of the homecoming we'll receive at death, again uniting with friends and family that have gone on before.How joyous that time will be when it comes. Until then, I'll be enjoying the ride!

Amy Kenney

Strength in the Struggle

I think if I were asked why I cycle, I'd say that I do it for the downhills. :) What joy to fly downhill at 44.4 mph--my current top downhill speed. These moments of thrill and vibrancy get me through the toughest parts; the uphills, of which my current top speed is only 12 mph.

The uphill climbs could produce a lot of misery and dread if not viewed with a perspective of appreciation. In those moments of actual climbing, chasing away the dread requires summoning all the appreciation of the benefits of the hill.

Undoubtedly, the greatest benefit the hill climb offers is strength. The mental and physical struggle to make it to the top, produce an exquisite sort of pain. It is exquisite in that it borders on the very edge of endurance. The pain is also equal and opposite the joy and thrill of the downhill ride.

I have seen the benefit of strength gained from the uphills. Rainy weather prevented me from outdoor cycling one day last week. I returned to the gym and to my elliptical training regimen. I was delighted to find that I burned 10% more calories and completed 10% more distance in the same workout time than I did two weeks prior. I literally saw measurable strength from the struggle.

Another benefit is added courage. As is the nature of improvement, what once was difficult can be mastered, and new challenges are necessary to produce the same struggle for strength and growth. I have come to learn that courage does not mean not being afraid. It means that one forges ahead despite their fear, in total faith. Being fearless is reckless, as a healthy fear is needed to guide our decisions and to cause us to call upon the Divine for guidance. Courage is taking forward action despite the fear. It is essentially choosing faith over fear. I thought of a moment that summarized that truth and it is reflected in my face.

I was preparing to do my first high altitude tow. It was winter. The air was cold and crisp and the dark clouds that morning loomed large, threatening snow. My fear mounted as my friend and flying instructor, Chris Santacroce, rigged up the towing gear and tested our radio communication.

Towing is a way to get high off the ground with the use of a truck. I was to lay out my glider, get in an active forward leaning position and prepare to run. I would have to run until the tug of the tow line lifted me off the ground, all the while controlling my glider overhead. I'm sweating again just describing it! The truck zooms down a desserted dirt road until enough line has been released that I'm several thousand feet over the ground. Then I release from the tow in search of thermals. I wavered in my decision to try it. With fear in my heart, I set my eyes on the horizon in a fixed steely gaze and awaited the forward movement of the truck. This was a moment of courage. I've faced it many times in moments from foward launching my paraglider in the Tetons, to cliff jumping into a rapid filled river, to purchasing investment property, and the most terror and joy filled, natural childbirth. Each time, I met with the same result, increased courage and ultimate joy.

The tow pictured was incredible. When I released from the tow, I was above those dark clouds, looking down on millions of circular rainbows created by the ice crystals in the cloud. I could smell, feel, even taste the clouds all around me. As I descended back down through them, the snow in the cloud collected around my face in the corners of my helmet. It was snowing up high, but it never reached the ground. I had one of the best solitary experiences of my life that morning and it wouldn't have been if I'd let the fear win out.

There's something else that was amazing about those pictures. Someone I had never met, and that I barely recall from that day, was there preparing to do some base jumping after my tow. Unbeknownst to me, he snapped the pictures. I don't even know his name. More than a year later while at Chris Santacroce's flying shop, a man approached me because he recognized me from some photos he'd taken while he was waiting for his turn to tow. I gave him my email address and received 8 pics of that morning. I loved it, as neither Shawn nor I had taken any that day. I know it was Providence as I've looked at that picture of my steely gaze, barely masking ultimate fear, many times since. It reminds me of courage and the rewards of strength and joy that come from struggle.

There is always a "downhill" behind every uphill struggle and it is definitely worth the pursuit through pain. I'm having a nice little downhill today as I finished our taxes last night with 3 hours to spare til the deadline! Also, it's Friday! Now I'm on my way out for a ride with Shawn. We rode 24 miles of flats yesterday. Looks like hills today...

Miracles in the Mundane

Simplicity is the basis of, and for, all miracles. When I learned this, I found miracles everywhere.

While cycling yesterday, my mind flowed over the memory of many small miracles. Aura attended a high school prom last night, which facilitated not only the need to get a prom dress, but to make it match her date's attire. Countless texts, with photos of ties and dresses, passed between them in an effort to coordinate such a feat. The day before the prom, I spent a happy, yet miserable, (as I had my 3 youngest children age three and under with us) two hours at a dress shop while Aura tried on dresses. She found one, actually two that worked, which was great because she has another prom this Saturday. Did I mention that we were renting the dresses and that due to last minute preparation, selection and "matching" attire was very limited? We were locked in to a certain color scheme as he was wearing a royal blue tie and already had purchased a matching corsage. In the scramble, all I could think about was the fact that I have four daughters, innumerable proms and four weddings, with all the dresses that go with them, in my future. That's another post in itself! I felt like it was a miracle when we finally left the store with a dress that worked! Here is the result of all that effort: They look great, and they match! The miracle I thought of however, is one of complete serendipity--an effortless, happy "accident," completely unplanned, but perfect. Actually, I thought of several and they progressively became grander in scale as my mind became aware of the principle. The first was this small miracle of serendipity. Shawn and I went on a double date with Aura and our friend, Taylor, to see "Savior of the World" last November. On the way in to the Conference Center, I stopped them on the sidewalk to take a picture:

In that moment, as they stood next to each other, I said "Hey, you guys match!" It was the first anyone noticed as it was very random and completely unintentional. It was just a funny little "coincidence." There was no pre-planning. In fact, Aura was even running late and threw on her hurried ensemble in a ten minute rush. To find that Taylor's tie and pants matched her outfit perfectly was just uncanny. After spending all that time purposefully trying to create the same "matchiness effect" for prom, I see that it was one of those simple miracles. It reminded me of another. While filming "Stand Strong," we needed to get a family photo of the main characters to hang on the wall for the ending scene. We had a very limited time schedule to get it and the actors all had very busy schedules. I sent out an email to each actor detailing the day and time of the pics, praying they could all make it as it was just two days before filming began. The only instructions I gave were to wear a bright colored, solid shirt and jeans. I repeat, that was the only instruction. With no further coordination on my part, or from one actor to another, this is what we got:

A rainbow! Take that, "Pride Movement!" was what went through my mind as they assembled on the sofa. If you can believe it, I was actually wearing a purple shirt that day. This was just one of the many miracles we witnessed on the "Stand Strong" project. I saw how small, seemingly insignificant occurrences like matching clothing can really mean something on some grander spiritual level. Obviously miracles occur in more than just matching. The principle of finding miracles in the mundane is broader, universal, and eternal. I noticed the presence of a small miracle when my ipod was stuck on random play. By miraculous design, I always got the right song at the right time while running up a steep hill or pushing the final two minutes of exercise where I was attempting to finish strong and I really needed something energetic and inspirational to make it to the end. I couldn't have chosen the songs better had I been able to scroll them and select them myself in the moment. I would laugh until I cried as I crested the hill. I've also seen these small miracles at work in potluck dinners. Nearly each month over the past three years, there has been a potluck dinner for LAW Night, a women's support and social group I started to learn homemaking skills. With each month's invitation I have asked for a potluck item to be shared at a meal the first hour. Without fail, month after month, I have witnessed what I've come to term as the "power of the potluck." Every time without any further instruction than to bring your favorite main dish, salad or dessert, a balanced meal always arrived. All were amazed when one woman brought tortilla soup, another, chili, several brought salads, desserts, and someone brought cornbread. It was a totally perfect meal. No one coordinated what she would bring, only felt inspired to bring the item she brought.

I noticed the same principle at work the the large scale decisions of my life, including family size. Shawn and I made an early decision to trust the Lord about the number of children He chose to send into our family, as well as the timing He chose for us to finish. I internalized the reality that the witnessing of miracles is completely conditional upon faith. Otherwise, things that happen seem "coincidental."

Also in contemplating all these small miracles, another principle became clear. They can't be forced or over-planned. That is exactly what makes them miraculous, their unseemly, totally timely perfection that is better than expected, or what one could have created through their own best plan. That's the whole purpose of the miracle, to lead one to a Higher Source, a recognition that one could not have planned it better if they purposefully tried. Miracles always point to Divinity.

I noticed that in each case where a miracle was present, there was some plan in place, but never a very strict, over-scheduled, or forced plan. I like to call it a "vague plan." I am a huge fan of the vague plan. Plans that leave no room for serendipity make us miss the best part of life, the recognition of the hand of the Lord in it. Don't get me wrong. I am a natural planner and I love details, but I have learned that the Lord has better plans than I do and that if I have a plan that is tight enough to give me peace and allow for progress, but loose enough to let Him fill in the details, that it is the best kind of plan. Sometimes MY plan has been delayed, changed, or completely obliterated because the Lord has something else in mind entirely. Learning to seek, listen to, and trust His guidance brings the greatest peace and joy. He will make more of our gifts, talents and lives than we could ever do on our own.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thine own understanding.
In all thy ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.

Another favorite:

"The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

The way I conceptualize that quote is to look for miracles in the mundane. This synonym to Emerson's famous quote has a little more alliteration to it and is consequently quite catchy to recall. :) There is nothing so mundane as to not contain a miracle. Consider a spider's web or a busy ant hill.

Moses 6:63

And behold, all things have their likeness; and all things are created and made to bear record of me, both things that are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above, and things which are on the earth, and things which are in the earth, and things which are under the earth, both above and beneath: all things bear record of me.

Miracles bear witness of Christ, not only His existence, but His love for us as He helps direct all for our individual good. This is demonstrated by all those little "coincidences" that happen to each of us. Miracles are nods of approval from a loving God. Look for them. They are abundant!

Cycling: My Newest Passion

This spring, I became converted to the love of cycling. March 3, 2010 marked the first day of exercise after three months of bed rest. I went to the gym to run on an elliptical trainer, my tried and true favorite, the Precor machine. From the first revolution of the foot pedal, a smile spread across my face that remained the entire workout. My temporary loss of health reawakened a deep sense of gratitude for the gift of a healthy body that can move and work, and a commitment to get it back into shape.

Shawn found a way to capitalize on my newfound health consciousness. Nearly two weeks of elliptical training passed. Every couple of days Shawn sent me an email extolling the benefits of cycling. He sent list after list of top ten calorie burning exercises. Cycling was always number one, while elliptical training barely made the list. He says his motive was selfish. He wanted me to ride with him and cycling is his preferred exercise. He definitely knew how to appeal to my love and need for efficiency. Especially since I have a big goal--lose sixty pounds in six months. I agreed to take give it a try.

On Thusday, March 11, I mounted my son's bike, though it was much too big for me, and ventured out on a short ride around Draper with Shawn. Many of the elements that I love about paragliding are inherent in cycling. The sun and wind in my face rank right up there among my favorite sensations. Though not two thousand feet over the ground, the views of the commonplace all around me were stunning. The cold, March air burned in my lungs, bringing life to my body, and clarity to my mind. My soul was uplifted, and I was hooked.

We went to a local bike shop right after the ride and Shawn bought me my own bike. It makes all the difference to ride a bike that fits! He completely outfitted my bike from tire to tire. The underseat pack contains everything I'd need in case of an emergency, from first aid components and a spare tire, to energy-boosting superfoods. I love his commitment to preparedness in all that he does. It brings a sense of safety to every risk we take.

Over the past few weeks, our rides started with a twelve mile loop. The terrain includes flats, 4% grade inclines, and my favorite, the downhills! I just took my first 20.5 mile ride. Amazingly, I was able to do it in just over an hour, which was what it used to take to do 12 miles. Hooray for progress! The best part though is engaging in a soul enlarging, physically and mentally challenging, pursuit of recreation with my best friend and eternal companion. Thanks for inviting and encouraging me, Shawn! I am again reminded to never stop learning as each new experience could very well ignite the next, and potentially lifelong, passion.

The truths I've experienced while cycling, alone, will keep me doing it. There are too many principles of truth I've equated mentally while riding to mention in this post. But, I'm sure I'll mention them in posts to come. I will say that I love that state of physical exertion that requires focus and drive at their fullest capacity. During that level of work, the mind seems to separate from the occupation of the body and become free. Ideas, feelings, pictures, and understanding flow freely when the body is busy. Mental and spiritual pondering takes on higher levels when the physical aspect is also combined. It is an incredible feeling to revel in the sensations of the temporal and spiritual realms simultaneously. That must be what is described when one proclaims "I feel so alive!"

Another exciting aspect is that I'm well on my way to my goal. I've lost 10 lbs. over the past month. Anyone else cycle? Want to join us for a ride?