Strength in the Struggle

I think if I were asked why I cycle, I'd say that I do it for the downhills. :) What joy to fly downhill at 44.4 mph--my current top downhill speed. These moments of thrill and vibrancy get me through the toughest parts; the uphills, of which my current top speed is only 12 mph.

The uphill climbs could produce a lot of misery and dread if not viewed with a perspective of appreciation. In those moments of actual climbing, chasing away the dread requires summoning all the appreciation of the benefits of the hill.

Undoubtedly, the greatest benefit the hill climb offers is strength. The mental and physical struggle to make it to the top, produce an exquisite sort of pain. It is exquisite in that it borders on the very edge of endurance. The pain is also equal and opposite the joy and thrill of the downhill ride.

I have seen the benefit of strength gained from the uphills. Rainy weather prevented me from outdoor cycling one day last week. I returned to the gym and to my elliptical training regimen. I was delighted to find that I burned 10% more calories and completed 10% more distance in the same workout time than I did two weeks prior. I literally saw measurable strength from the struggle.

Another benefit is added courage. As is the nature of improvement, what once was difficult can be mastered, and new challenges are necessary to produce the same struggle for strength and growth. I have come to learn that courage does not mean not being afraid. It means that one forges ahead despite their fear, in total faith. Being fearless is reckless, as a healthy fear is needed to guide our decisions and to cause us to call upon the Divine for guidance. Courage is taking forward action despite the fear. It is essentially choosing faith over fear. I thought of a moment that summarized that truth and it is reflected in my face.

I was preparing to do my first high altitude tow. It was winter. The air was cold and crisp and the dark clouds that morning loomed large, threatening snow. My fear mounted as my friend and flying instructor, Chris Santacroce, rigged up the towing gear and tested our radio communication.

Towing is a way to get high off the ground with the use of a truck. I was to lay out my glider, get in an active forward leaning position and prepare to run. I would have to run until the tug of the tow line lifted me off the ground, all the while controlling my glider overhead. I'm sweating again just describing it! The truck zooms down a desserted dirt road until enough line has been released that I'm several thousand feet over the ground. Then I release from the tow in search of thermals. I wavered in my decision to try it. With fear in my heart, I set my eyes on the horizon in a fixed steely gaze and awaited the forward movement of the truck. This was a moment of courage. I've faced it many times in moments from foward launching my paraglider in the Tetons, to cliff jumping into a rapid filled river, to purchasing investment property, and the most terror and joy filled, natural childbirth. Each time, I met with the same result, increased courage and ultimate joy.

The tow pictured was incredible. When I released from the tow, I was above those dark clouds, looking down on millions of circular rainbows created by the ice crystals in the cloud. I could smell, feel, even taste the clouds all around me. As I descended back down through them, the snow in the cloud collected around my face in the corners of my helmet. It was snowing up high, but it never reached the ground. I had one of the best solitary experiences of my life that morning and it wouldn't have been if I'd let the fear win out.

There's something else that was amazing about those pictures. Someone I had never met, and that I barely recall from that day, was there preparing to do some base jumping after my tow. Unbeknownst to me, he snapped the pictures. I don't even know his name. More than a year later while at Chris Santacroce's flying shop, a man approached me because he recognized me from some photos he'd taken while he was waiting for his turn to tow. I gave him my email address and received 8 pics of that morning. I loved it, as neither Shawn nor I had taken any that day. I know it was Providence as I've looked at that picture of my steely gaze, barely masking ultimate fear, many times since. It reminds me of courage and the rewards of strength and joy that come from struggle.

There is always a "downhill" behind every uphill struggle and it is definitely worth the pursuit through pain. I'm having a nice little downhill today as I finished our taxes last night with 3 hours to spare til the deadline! Also, it's Friday! Now I'm on my way out for a ride with Shawn. We rode 24 miles of flats yesterday. Looks like hills today...