4 Days Post Crash: Again Enjoying the Ride

So, initially I said it would be 4-6 weeks of "at home on an indoor trainer" before going back outside to ride. Since I have never been hit by a car and broken my clavicle before, I honestly thought that 4-6 weeks of healing sounded reasonable. But, that was before I knew what Heavenly Father wanted me to learn from the crash experience and that the position of my arms on the handle bars actually HELP the healing of my broken clavicle. I didn't know that 4 days would be sufficient. With that said, it is easy to see why I decided to return to my outdoor ride today.

I'm still high on the experience as I just got back from my regular 20 mile ride. I started out on the trainer, and I tried to stay content with it, but it was all wrong. Sunny days and good health are meant to be spent OUTSIDE. Heck, I ride on the blustery, cold and gray days where I seldom see another rider, so looking out the window on a gorgeous day like today and knowing that I have the physical capacity to ride, I couldn't stand being restrained any longer. Having mentally ridden my route as I pedaled on the trainer yesterday, and knowing that my shoulders can handle it, there was just no other reason to remain stuck on an indoor trainer another day. It was just time to get back outside. There is just no replacement for the sun, wind, hills, people, all that natural beauty beyond the walls of my living room.

Shawn was skittish and offered his concern over my decision to have him take my bike off the training block. I know that he could see the passion and determination in my eyes and conceded with a question. Are you sure you can do it? Of course I was. He lifted the bike off the trainer and brought it out on the lawn for me. He waved half heartedly as I pedaled down the street, head bowed and shaking, probably praying silently. I was. I thanked God for His goodness at granting me physical health. I was also shining the broadest smile I've mustered this week.

My ride was a phenomenal, incredible, awesome, amazing...all the great adjectives! I beat my previous best time on my 20 mile route by five minutes and burned more calories than usual. I know it was because I was so excited, grateful, and fired up about riding; about experiencing freedom after the temporary loss of it.

It is nothing short of a miracle that I could be hit by a car on Tuesday and experience a broken clavicle, and be able to return to my normal rides on Saturday of the same week. I have experienced and am grateful for the Lord's tender mercies. I feel very blessed indeed. At the time of this writing, my normal range of motion has almost completely returned for my left arm--the one with the broken clavicle. Pain is minimal and I feel an overall presence of healing.

Part of my decision to get back out on my bike so quickly after such an accident was about being an example of faith and fortitude to my children. I am all too aware of the fact that example is the best teacher, far more powerful than words. There was so much I wanted to convey to them about pressing on with a good attitude, especially in the face of pain and misery. What better way to teach this lesson than to live it? I know they will be required to do difficult things over the course of their lives and I want them to look back and draw on past experiences for strength, especially if I'm no longer here to teach them. My example of living a miracle is meant to teach them to believe in miracles too.

The rest of the reason was to fulfill my purpose, to be the best instrument I can be in the hands of the Lord. As long as my heart is beating and there is breath in my lungs, I will do all that is required for good to complete His will on earth. My capacity to perform the tasks He needs will continue to enlarge as I put my faith to use.

Amy Kenney

After the Crash: The Purpose in the Pain

Last night we picked up my bike from the bike shop after getting it repaired. Luckily, the damages to it, like the ones I sustained, were minor. I got a new helmet and some new cycling clothes as mine have gotten too big anyway. I rode my bike across the parking lot and my smile was beaming! It just so happens that the angle of leaning to grip the handlebars is just the proper stance and pressure to hold a broken clavicle in the correct healing position. :)

This morning I rode the trainer in my living room. Shawn set it up to face the window and opened it for me so the wind was on my face. I was amazed at the irony of the ride. When I am out riding on the street, I can mentally be other places, thinking about other things. When I was riding the trainer, my mind was out on my regular 20 mile route. I was able to visualize stride for stride, exactly where I would be on the ride by the music and muscle memory. I stood up on the pedals in the places I normally would to get up a hill or get through a light. I even pulled in the driveway at home right as the music went back to the first song--the place it always gets to when I'm done. I checked the time and exactly an hour and a half had passed just as it does when I ride 20 miles outside. Of course outside is better, but I'm contenting myself with what my protective Other Half (aka Shawn) feels is a good idea right now.



During that time today, I was thinking about my injury and how it really was so minimal in the overall scheme of things. I mean, I was hit by a car. I wondered at the purpose for it. In that moment, a rush of inspiration entered my mind powerfully, as Heavenly Father told me what it was about. He was getting my attention, just as He did through my birth, and near death experience with my last baby, Matthew. He focused my mind on the fact that I was fully geared up, protected, covered by the proper helmet, gloves, and clothing, and that I had been obedient to all traffic laws, and that because I was obedient and prepared, my damages were minimal. Metaphorically, I had on the full armor of God. I was not destroyed by the fiery darts of the adversary. I experienced the physical representation of being attacked, yet being shielded by the armor of God and its subsequent protection.

God wanted my mind and heart focused on this fact in my preparation to create Battle For Souls. He wants my mind and heart focused on the correct message that I am to communicate and to have a very real temporal and spiritual testimony of it.

I will literally be riding outside again next week. I am healing quickly and ability is returning rapidly. Today I was able to fully dress myself! :) I talked with a bike shop employee last night who also was hit by a car years ago and broke his clavicle. He had muscle damage as well and required surgery. He was back on his bike inside a week. He got an insurance settlement for his injury. He used it to buy an expensive racing bike as it had always been his dream. He talked about how much that accident changed and saved his life for the better and that the discomfort of that accident was so miniscule compared to the health benefits he has received over the last 20 years of riding. I got teary listening to him as I felt the truth of what he said. "Accidents" tend do do that; change us for the better, if we let them.

Life is risk. It is dangerous. Sometimes it is pain. Becoming excellent at something means risking misery and pain as it teaches us excellence and becoming more like God. Living "small", not doing what it takes to learn excellence, living in fear, afraid of failure and pain only keep us small. The joy, mental clarity, inspiration, weight loss and overall health benefits I've experienced will keep me riding despite this temporary setback. Temporally and spiritually, I will remain fully engaged in the battle and keep on the full armor of God.

The Existence and Assistance of Angels

I have always believed in mortal angels--those who are inspired to meet the needs of others, thereby doing the Lord's work on earth. Today was another reminder that heavenly angels are in great supply as well and are actively working in my life.

At 6:15 AM, I set out on my bike on my morning ride. Despite the clear skies and sun, it was cold for a day late in May, so I made sure to wear my full gloves, rather than my fingerless ones, a long sleeve shirt under my riding jersey, and thick cycling pants. 12 miles into a 20 mile loop I like, I met with disaster.

I was going 23 miles per hour in the bike lane on Redwood Road, just north of Bangerter Highway, when suddenly, a car in the lane to the left of me made an abrupt turn into the bike lane, careening into me on my left side. The driver was attempting to pass a slower car in front of him by passing on the right and using the bike lane as a driving lane. He didn't look before swerving and sent me and my bike rolling toward the curb. It all happened so fast, I scarcely had time to think "uh-oh." I eventually landed on my back in the parking strip above the curb, still clipped into my right pedal.

I sat up, felt a burning pain shoot through my left shoulder, and laid back down. The driver came running to me, apologizing all the way. Two other motorists who had witnessed the accident sat down near me as well. One called the police and paramedics, who arrived shortly to assess my condition.

Upon removing my helmet, it was discovered that it was completely dented in on the right side and was broken through in large cracks in three places. My helmet was obliterated, I had obviously bounced on my head, but I did not have any head, neck, or back trauma. Even the paramedics marvelled at the miracle they were witnessing. Because of my thick cycling pants and jersey, there were no abrasions on the places I landed, only rub marks and light snagging of the material. Now I understand the purpose of those ugly cycling clothes. :) My elbow was the only place road rash hit as the long sleeve shirt I was wearing wasn't as protective as the cycling clothes I had on everywhere else.

Because I was lucid and "ok," I felt it an expensive waste to be transported by ambulance and refused ambulance service. I know it was going on the driver's insurance, but it was unnecessary and would be very costly, so I waited for Shawn to arrive to ride with him to the hospital instead. During that time, the driver, who was an 18 year old high school student on the way to school, told me that he'd gotten his first ever speeding ticket the day before. I told him that our experience was life telling him to learn patience. :) I felt so bad for him, as he was extremely distraught and apologetic. I assured him that "we were cool" and not to worry as I knew I'd be fine.

When Shawn arrived, he checked my bike and told me it had a tilt to the frame, as well as broken shifters, and brake handles. He put it in the back of the truck and helped me get into the front seat comfortably. After getting insurance information and the police report, we headed to the hospital. It was a 2 hour emergency room visit to get x-rays and my elbow bandaged. I awaited the news that I had a broken clavicle. I was so glad to hear that's all it was. If it was dislocated, I would have had to be sedated to have it popped back in. If the muscles were torn badly, I may have had to have surgical interventions and in both those cases, months, even years of pain. I really did have the best case scenario considering the scope of possible injuries. I felt very blessed and grateful. A broken clavicle is a 4-6 week healing time through the wearing of a posture-perfecting sling.

It was obvious I had been cared for by angels who protected me. It was ironic that Shawn had been listening to the Lance Armstrong autobiography on his ipod the night before. When he turned it off, he recounted some facts from the story. He said that Lance had been run off the road and hit by cars more times than he could count, as well as having broken his clavicle as many times. I remember thinking on the possibilities and odds of getting hurt as he told me about it. Little did I know I'd learn first hand the next morning. When I was sitting on the curb chatting with the witnesses, one remarked "It looks like you'll be okay. You just won't be surfing for a little while." It was such an off-hand remark. I remembered something. We had been scheduled to go to Hawaii on May 27 for a family trip, which would have been just two days after the accident. At the beginning of the month, for other minor reasons, we decided to reschedule it until September. What a miracle! I would have been miserable not being able to hike volcanoes, zipline through the jungle, or surf!

While waiting for the results of the x-ray, I pondered over the events of the morning. I don't believe in "accidents." I think the word "accident" describes an experience or event we would not necessarily choose for ourselves. Accidents and the lessons that come from them are an integral part of our learning and growth process in mortal life, and are individually crafted to suit each of our needs. I was texting Aura telling her about what was going on. I told her that I got to be the instrument of a young man's progression as well as my own that morning. She asked me what I learned. I said "I am profoundly grateful for life, family, health, home, attitude, agency, the Gospel, and am again acutely reminded of the literal battle for souls." After further thought, I elaborated "I also realize it was an opportunity to be tested on forgiveness or bitterness. I sincerely am forgiving. I love that young man and pray he forgives himself." Aura said "Thank heavens for helmets. Oh, and angels!" to which I replied "Amen! :)"



It looks like I'll be cycling on a stationary bike for the next 4-6 weeks either at the gym or with the winter trainer we have at home. Maybe Shawn can even set it up outside for me. :) I don't want to lose the strength acquired in my legs and heart that I've been building over the past 10 weeks since I started cycling, nor disrupt the positive effects of cycling on my weight loss plans. In the last 10 weeks, I've ridden 754.18 miles and lost 24 lbs. Can't wait to get back outside, on the road again!

I've often thought that I want to leave life used up, spent, burned out, full of experiences and living in my years, complete. I don't want to leave with regrets of what might have been. I love this quote by Abraham Lincoln, "In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." Getting hit by a car is just another one of those experiences, and gratefully, another opportunity to spend a morning with the guardian angels that have supported, uplifted, and literally saved me on numerous other occasions. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a brush with death any time soon, I've actually had too many this year so far, but I'm so grateful to those angels!

Amy Kenney

Bring It On!

This morning I could hardly see to cycle. Tears come easily for me and my experience today was too much.

Aura joined me for a twenty mile ride. She was adamant that I go my usual pace and not slow down for her. I can respect that. I love a challenge too. This put her about a half mile behind me at any given time. As I looked back over my shoulder to check her progress, a wave of joy passed over me. For just an instant, I saw her. I mean, really saw her, the way I experienced her when I was pregnant with her. Her spirit was so strong and all encompassing, when I finally met her, I knew her name had to be Aura. Just as I did when I looked into her eyes for the first time and noticed what a wise old soul she is, I understood so much about her and felt such gratitude for the opportunity to be her mother. This feeling is not uncommon, as I watch her often with that same admiration and amazement.

When Aura was an infant, I remember feeling, as she peered into my eyes, that she was looking right through me. Her presence and influence did much to inspire me to change. I was a selfish, wild and disobedient youth prior to having her. It took being a single mother for a time for me to learn many difficult life lessons. During my pregnancy, she undoubtedly felt the same emotional heartaches, struggles, and pain that I faced. I am sure those trying times did much to train her strength and empathy.

I ran two to five miles a day, and danced a lot while I was pregnant. I remember noticing that the baby had perfect rhythm and often "danced" and kicked on beat even in utero. She has kept that rhythm and has been a lifelong music lover, singer, and dancer.

I met Shawn when she was two months old. I remember our first date; the first time he held Aura and how nervous and rigid he was as if he were about to hold a fragile China doll. I said "Relax. You're not going to break her," as I put her in his arms. He loved her from the first time he saw her. Shawn and I were married six months later. Aura, Shawn and I smile with pleasure when people tell her how much she looks like him, even more so than she looks like me.

We were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple fifteen months later. By this time, we had welcomed Aura's best friend, Christian to the family. She has shared a tight emotional bond with him since the day he was born. I remember having to continually let her hold him. She would not leave him alone. The love and care she has for him is still just as strong.

She has always been very outgoing and social, yet keenly observant in an almost introverted sort of way. She talked to anybody and everybody we saw, often watching people for hours. Consequently, she's a good actress and even better at mimicking "spot-on" impressions. Her natural tendency toward leadership was evident from a young age. Her cheeful confidence attracts people young and old alike. She was often stubborn, and her need for power and control often wore me out because of our daily battles. She eventually grew out of the tantrums as her power of verbal expression grew, which was such a blessing! As she matured, her ability for concentration, deep thought and powerful verbal expression expanded greatly. We have been having deep philosophical and spiritual conversations since she was about five years old. She is a perfectionist and works tirelessly at the things she deems worthy of her time.

Aura was an incredible violinist as a young child. Sadly one day she announced that she didn't love to play and that it was something I wanted more than she did. She was about 7 years old when she told me that. I was astounded at her maturity, but still disappointed she wanted to give up something she excelled at so much. The truth is, she has excelled at any pursuit she puts her heart into. She is a fast learner and tries new things regularly. She preferred to spend her time, energy, passion and countless devoted hours to dance, gymnastics, singing and guitar. She's an amazing performer with a charisma that is truly mesmerizing to watch. I am sure it is due to her passion and purposeful decision to glorify God in all she does.

Over time, as I've recognized more and more of her gifts and talents, I have come to be more and more in awe of her tremendous strength and capacity to love and serve others. She is so much better a person than I was at her age, much more wise, devoted, obedient and accomplished.

When she was 13, a huge transformation occurred in her overall attitude and demeanor. She gained a sense of purpose and gratitude I wasn't expecting until much later. One day while I was writing on the computer and she was reading on the sofa next to me, she put her book down and made a statement that I never thought I'd hear until she had children of her own. She said "Mom, thank you for homeschooling me. A lot of my friends want to be home schooled and they beg their parents. They want to spend time pursuing their talents like art, music or dance. They don't like getting teased at school or being around a lot of bad stuff that is there. Their parents tell them to deal with it. It makes me sad because these kids know what they need and their parents don't want to help them because they might have to sacrifice their own things for their kids. They tell their kids it's too hard. It reminds me of the picture of Jesus that says "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." I'm so glad you thought I was worth it, Mom." I was dumbfounded for several minutes, and teary of course

After that time, she became very purposeful about the books she read, music she listened to, the way she spent her time. She wrote essays and stories, and gained more and more conviction and a love for truth and virtue. She went to the temple weekly from the time she was twelve, maybe missing only a period of six months when she was sixteen. That was a long enough contrast for her to realize that she would never be too busy or distracted to go without regular attendance again. This was always my prayer for her. I knew how strong, stubborn and hard headed she was as a toddler and child. I knew that if she could be set in the right direction, she'd go on forever on her own, unstoppable in her desire to do and be good. One of her first words was "appropriate." I still laugh when I think of it. And yes, it is still one of her favorite words! She sets a great example for her eight younger siblings and is conscientious of her role as an influence and mentor. She has discovered and lives well her greatest life purpose, leading people to Christ.

Aura has a courageous, daring, and brave streak that has been very fun to watch. Our family went on a river rafting trip down the Snake River in Jackson Hole, WY when she was eight. There were Class 5 rapids most of the way. The rapids were twice as high as our raft most of the time and it often seemed to buckle and fold toward the helm where she was sitting. I will never forget watching Aura soaked and dripping from the spray of the rapids, smiling as broadly as she could, laughing uncontrollably and yelling at the top of her lungs "Bring it on!" This is how I picture her in my mind. It is the statement that sums up her determination and love of a challenge. Shawn and I went bungee jumping when she was even younger, maybe five. She cried and cried to be big because she was too young and too light to do it herself as per the rules. She had a great time jumping from a forty foot+ rickety platform inside a gran cenote. This cenote was a large underground cave that we visited somewhere between Tulum and Coba, in Mexico.

Christian has earned over 50 merit badges, and Aura has basically earned them along with him, doing all the requirements and rugged outdoor fun with him and Shawn. That was her only complaint about girls' camp, the fact they didn't get to canoe, shoot guns, backpack, rappel, or climb. They made jewelry instead. She loves such outdoor activities as paragliding, scuba diving, cycling, running, backpacking, rock climbing, skiing, snowboarding, dirt biking, body boarding, jet skiing, and hiking. One of her favorite trips was to Zion's to hike the Narrows and to slot canyoneer Keyhole Canyon.

A few years ago, she started running with me. It wasn't long before her long, slender and graceful legs outpaced mine. I expect it's only a matter of time before the same will hold true for cycling, and in life in general. This is actually my hope and prayer for her. I would love for her to outpace me in every way, and in many ways, she already has. She is a truly excellent and beautiful woman, inside and out. In another year, she will be gone, off for the adventure of college away from home. My heart is already breaking, but at the same time, I'm wildly excited for her!


Thanks for all the joy you bring to my life, Aura. I love you.

Love,

Mom